My relationship with food has had its ups and downs, to say the least. But I’m grateful for the rocky road that led me to where I am today, because it's taught me fundamental lessons about myself and my life that I would not trade for the world.
One lesson that changed the game for me: The energy you bring to your food is a reflection of what you're feeling within.
At a very young age, I found comfort in food when I was lonely. I woke up early, snuck snacks from the kitchen before my parents got out of bed, and shoved the wrappers in between the couch cushions. In my teens, I stayed up late and secretly binged to numb the pain of having few friends and feeling like an outsider at school. No amount of food was ever enough to fill the void.
In my 20s, I was fed up with my body and weight loss obsession took hold. Over the course of a few years, I lost over 40 pounds, ran a marathon, cut out sugar, dairy, gluten, soy, grains, and preservatives, and ate an organic whole foods diet. While I gained superficial confidence, no way of eating or exercising ever made me feel whole. So I pushed myself harder and grasped for more control.
Whether I was mindlessly eating or strictly following a diet, I was constantly trying to avoid or control feelings that I didn’t want to feel.
I kept searching for something outside of myself that would fill me up and bring me peace of mind and body, but nothing worked. Over time, I began to approach most food - even the healthiest of vegetables - with fear, anxiety, shame, guilt, self-deprecation, or a mixture of negative emotions - whether I knew it or not.
I reached a point where I no longer wanted to control food and my body. I knew I had to let go, but didn't know how to stop. I feared gaining weight, but also feared restriction. I didn't know how to accept or listen to my body. I didn't know how to change my ways without swinging back to the other far end of the spectrum where I would overeat.
The lesson I needed to learn: No matter what type of relationship you have with food, it's a direct correlation to your relationship with yourself, the world, and your life. If your self-esteem, safety, security, or purpose are out of alignment in any way, your eating habits are going to be too.
It took me a long time to learn, and even longer to accept, but I finally realized that I needed to look at the energy I was bringing to my food, in order to understand and ultimately address the root causes of my disordered eating. Once I accepted this was the path I needed to take, everything began to shift.
To begin shifting your relationship with food, look within and ask yourself:
- What energy am I bringing to my food? (Controlling, rushed, fearful, mindless?)
- If I'm mindlessly eating, what feelings am I trying to avoid? (Pain, loneliness?
- If I'm controlling my food, what feelings am I trying to control? (Fear, stress?)
When you avoid, control, and restrict, you block your connection with your intuition and your body's innate wisdom, which blocks sustainable healing. In order to create permanent change, you must practice raising your awareness, get passionately curious, and address the energy at the root of your eating struggles.
Good news: As a complement to the deeper practice, you can jumpstart your shift by proactively bringing positive and loving energy to your food. Experience what it's like to be present. Use mealtime as an opportunity to practice how you want to act and who you want to be.
What do you want to bring to the table? If you feel called to learn more about how you can increase the energy you give and get from your food, I’m excited to share that I will be hosting a FREE workshop at WeWork Soho South in Manhattan on Wednesday, September 7, 2016, 6-7:30pm.
And if you're ready to dive in, do the deeper work, and transform your relationship with food, your body, and yourself, I highly recommend you connect with me here.
Sending you love and light!